Beautiful Intent

Los Angeles Derby Dolls

I LOVE ROLLER DERBY!!! Sometimes the season ends and a long time goes by and I forget I love roller derby until it gets mentioned and I totally remember... I LOVE ROLLER DERBY!!!! HAHA!

10 REASONS I LOVE ROLLER DERBY:

1.) It's the only sporting event in the world, where I can completely relate to how a man feels when he goes to a sporting event where the players are men (baseball, football, basketball, boxing). It ALL makes sense to me at Roller Derby!

2.) I love to see women be so tough! They are so AWESOME!!! It's empowering to know women have the capacity to be sooooo STRONG! They bruise ribs, tape Styrofoam around themselves and KEEP PLAYING!!!!! They get thrown out of the ring and fall on their face and KEEP PLAYING!!! They get hit in the face by roller skates, puke from the physical exertion and KEEP PLAYING!!! It's completely insane and totally impressive.

3.) Listening to the Derby Dolls announcers is like listening to a comedy skit... "Oh oh! Look out Gori Spelling passing Crystal Deth!!", "Heeeeeeeeeeeeeere come the jaaaaammers!", "Ooooooohhh ouch... I think I saw her panties on that one. No. Seriously. I really think I did." "...No beer after half time so pound the one you have, get another and then pound that one so you can get one more." HA haha!

4.) I love to see such a HUGE community of women empowering one another!! It's so incredible. They love this and are unbelievably passionate about it. You can't help, but respect that.

5.) Louis Vuitton clutch bags and Jimmy Choo shoes do NOT apply here. It's awesome :) I love to see the roles reverse when one group says, "Screw what society thinks." It's real. No one gives a shit how rich you are, how beautiful or thin, or what you do for a living, they care whether or not you can handle your own shit, keep it real and have a good heart.

6.) Derby Dolls are tougher than most men, but still manage to keep a HUGE degree of femininity in everything they do!! 

7.) You sing the star spangled banner before the game - preferably with your right hand over your heart - and if the lead person singing it messes up, you hear the whole crowd giggle.

8.) The disco ball over the ring is shaped like a GIANT ROLLER SKATE!!!

9.) Sometimes Hiro Nakamura is there.. and I love him.

10.) Derby Doll fans root for both teams, they just cheer louder for their own :)

3 THINGS I DON'T LIKE:

1.) You can't bring your camera inside, which drives me completely OUT OF MY MIND!!! I HATE IT!! I'm totally pissed off we don't have a group shot from Saturday! They should at least offer you one. ugh.

2.) Picking the wrong food truck to order from :(

3.) And.. Standing. I always dislike not having the option to sit down if I really want to, but yelling and jumping up and down is fun too, so it balances it out :)

Other than that I LOVE IT!!!

Congratulations to The Tough Cookies for Saturday Night's Win!!! Undefeated for the season!! Woo-hoo!!

Life is Like a Child

Ok.. ha haha!! Yes, this video is funny, but it's also kind of profound. It's interesting to see how a human reacts  BEFORE it has an ego. BEFORE it has any suspicion of ill will or the ability to hold resentments. BEFORE it feels the insatiable need to strike back when provoked.

It's like a mini-social experiment on the effects of curiosity and innocence.

When a child bites us, we don't get mad and punch it in the face. A child doesn't know any better. You know deep down that it has no intention of hurting you, so you are filled with compassion and instant forgiveness.

When an adult bites you, it's a direct attack! Everybody knows biting hurts!! Which leads to INSTANT physical retaliation and resentments... You can meet a million people in a lifetime, but you'll never forget the one that bites you.

Here's what's important to remember...

In life people will do a lot of things that will hurt you, but RARELY is it ever done intentionally to hurt you personally. We have ALL hurt peoples feelings. And those of us who have a soul ALLLLLLLL feel bad about it. Think about how many people you have ever INTENTIONALLY tried to hurt? And how many you currently still wish were hurting right now?

Sometimes we may do something intentionally as a knee jerk reaction to someone in the moment,  when we feel threatened, but anyone with a heart TOTALLY regrets it later if not instantaneously.

Most times we regret it more than the other person even cares about it.

The majority of people are good.

Unaware, selfish and inconsiderate? Yes.
But malicious? Rarely.

When you know this and you truly understand it, you have a whole new sense of compassion for others.
When you have more compassion for others, you heal faster.
In some cases, you heal completely.
When you heal faster, you're happier.
When you're happier, you're more pleasant to be around.
When you're more pleasant to be around, a lot of people wanna be your friend.
And when alotta people wanna be your friend... that means you're... SUPER COOL!!!

So... if you wanna be SUPER COOL... you'll learn to forgive life, and the people who have wronged you, the same way you would a child :)

Gragnani Family Easter 2008

Tell Your Friends You Love Them

First off I want to thank everyone sooooooooo much for all of your thoughtful comments, emails, cards and gifts! My birthday was absolutely amazing and by far the best yet. I feel so unbelievably grateful for all the love I received and all of the wonderful people I have so close to me in my life. It is you who make my life so beautiful and I love you for it!

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On a sadder note, however, we lost a friend this morning. Shannon Fisher, who went to high school with us in Fresno at San Joaquin Memorial has sadly passed away today after struggling for years sick with lupus. She was a wonderful, beautiful woman with an amazingly good heart, a great sense of humor and a consistently positive attitude despite her suffering. She is truly a wonderful inspirational example of strength, courage, class, faith and grace.

Just to give you an idea of who Shannon was as a person I am reposting her last blog post from December. It's a poem she wrote called "Faith" about her situation. Keep in mind that at this point Shannon had been sick and suffering for over 10 years.

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December 2, 2007 - Sunday

~ fAiTh ~
Current mood: inspired

Faith... What's the meaning of the word?
Why is believing in one thing that much considered so absurd?

When the whole world is against you and it's nothing you understand,
It's that thing that tells you anyway to lend someone your hand.

When the tears fall never ending, or at least so it may it seem,
It's what makes a heart that broken still find a way to dream.

When a body's forced to suffer cause the illness just won't give,
It's the strength that keeps it fighting for one more day to live.

When feeling alone is the one thing you simply cannot bare,
It's the reason you still smile when no one else is even there.

If faced with losing everything, all you love and all you know,
It's how you find the courage that will allow you to let go.

Take a step out of the moment when it's filled with such despair,
When you seem to fall the hardest, it's what compels you still to care.

It's in each and every one of us, and it's how you made it through,
It's been on your side forever... Even when you never knew.

Currently listening to:Stand
By Made Popular By: Rascal Flatts
Release date: By 02 April, 2007

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A toast to you, Shannon, for being the beautiful inspiring person you are and teaching others strength, courage and faith by example. Our world would be such a better place if there were more people like you in it. You will be missed, but I think only heaven itself could deserve you.

Turn Your Little Boat Around

Photo by: Visulogik

My best friend Tiona has this saying, "Turn your little boat around."

When you feel absolutely cynical, resentful, negative, hurt, angry, jealous, whatever it is… imagine you are going down a river. It's dark and moody and stormy and you can see how you are trying to go upstream against the tide and it's hard and takes all this effort and work and you feel like you are getting no where and maybe, in fact, falling further and further behind.

Now, imagine grabbing the wheel and turning your little boat around to face the sun and calmer waters. Feel how much easier it is to go with the flow of the water. And every time you start hitting waves and the sky gets all dark and stormy… grab the wheel and turn your little boat around.

Sounds silly, right? But I promise it works. Because what you are really telling yourself is, "Be conscious of your thoughts. They are negative and causing you a lot of unnecessary drama. Find a new way to look them so you can be free and happy."

I sometimes forget that if I don't stay on top of it, my brain, for whatever reason, decides it would be a good idea to default back to a state of negativity while it is on autopilot. So I'm walking around all happy and empowered one month and then a month later I find myself super negative, cynical, depressed, feeling helpless, way more like a victim than a conqueror, and having all of my insecurities scream out to me simultaneously demanding I take immediate action and fix them - ALL at once - or surrender in defeat because I am total piece of shit and I suck and I'm not sure why people even like me because I can't put anything in the oven without burning it and I am not the best at anything and if anyone really knew me they would know I'm totally boring and I'm not nearly as smart or cool as they think I am.

It's horrible. It sucks and I'm fairly sure it happens to everyone.

If you don't pay close attention and you leave your brain on autopilot there is no telling where you'll end up. You'll think you just believe these thoughts and that's why you're having them, but it's not true. You're just failing to be aware that you can control them.

I was thinking too much about my fears of the future and not enough about how great my life is at the moment. I was thinking about what I don't have instead of all the things I do. I was dwelling on my insecurities rather than accepting I'm not perfect (and seriously who is?). I was focused on all the douchey asshole guys in LA instead of remembering how many great ones I know personally and that logically if they exist, other good men must exist too.

See the problem is if you identify with a passing thought you are having, that thought gets louder and louder. The more you identify with it, the more power and force it gains until, if given enough attention, it becomes the law of the land and a part of your mentality. Your thoughts shape your reality. So if they're bad, so is your reality. BUT!!! Trust me… the good news is, you CAN change your thoughts by simply being aware of them, so it is also COMPLETELY possible for you to change your reality no matter how bad and unfixable it has convinced you it is.

So, once I became aware of what was going on and realized how insane my negativity hadn't gotten without my noticing, I spent all last week trying to reprogram my brain. Whenever I would have a negative thought I would be conscious of it and let it know that I did NOT identify with it and I would change it by immediately finding another way to look at whatever it was in a more positive, humorous or simple way.

It would say something like, "OMG, you are so stupid I can't believe you said that to Sam last week." And I'd say back (inside my head to myself of course) "I am NOT stupid. First off I'm really not important enough where I think Sam, or anyone else, is probably sitting around dwelling about how stupid I am and second off if Sam thinks I'm stupid, he probably feel better himself, so who cares? It's kinda like I gave him a little ego boost. GO SAM! You're so smart it blinds me into stupidity. Yay you!"

Let's be honest, this is my boat. I decide where it goes. I decide who gets to stay and who gets tossed overboard. I have the power here.

The truth is, I am just as capable of coming up with a good thought as I am a bad one. It's just as easy, if not easier, to look at whatever situation I am in, in a more positive way vs. a more negative helpless one. I just forget sometimes that I have that power inside me. I start letting my thoughts control me, instead of me controlling my thoughts. I'm not sure why they sometimes default negative when I'm not paying attention. I imagine it's because there are unfortunately a lot of negative voices out there and it's easy to find a bad excuse, but it doesn't really matter why, it's ok now… I turned my little boat around.

Photo by: Puuiki Beach